10 tips to survive that Valentine’s meal out

You know how you said you wouldn’t? But now you’ve gone and booked a restaurant on Valentine’s night….what were you thinking of? How much death by chocolate will prove to be romantic?

A bit like New Year’s Eve, as big night’s go, this one’s a difficult act to pull off. The Guardian food blog’s got some tips based around some top London destinations and a search for ‘snugness, the cousin of snogging’.  

But if you’re less of a snuggles bum and want some practical advice here’s a few alternatives for a successful Valentine’s night out for you:
– don’t set off to a restaurant without a reservation unless you literally  hooked up with him at a speed dating session.
– Japanese cuisine is probably the sexiest food known except if you’re clambering out of that space for your legs under the table in a short skirt. That just makes it comically obscene.
– if you’re wearing something revealing, avoid food which is magnetically attracted to your cleavage eg. any long pasta ribbony things, stew.
– do you, don’t you do shellfish? It’s both or neither as there’s nothing less attractive than a pair of pliers  and a bib if only one cracks the crab and lobster. (unless you’re both surgeons I suppose) – rule above also applies to garlic and steak.
– avoid dishes with spinach…..teeth.
– beware red wine lips  – this really shouldn’t be an issue unless someone’s cheapskating on the bubbles then who cares if you look like dracula’s wife.
– balloons, cheap flowers from the bloke who’s wandered in off the street. Just don’t.
– also don’t stare at the couple having the major domestic at the next table. It’s rude you know.
– do sort out in advance who’s treating who. Staring at the bill in uncomfortable silence has to be the ultimate passion killer.
– all else fails, there’s nothing more romantic than some fish, peas and chips in the garden/yard by candlelight and fireside. It’s all a question of attitude. Aka, being content to be a cheap date.

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